WWJD?

socialized-healthcare1

I was pretty upset a few months ago when the House passed the Cap and Trade bill. And then on Saturday night the House snuck through their Health Care bribery package. (I love their Saturday ram throughs) My knee-jerk reaction was to be upset about that, too. Anything that I view as a rights infringement, a government power grab, or a step toward socialism usually makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth.

I realized that my decisions were based on my gut reaction. Because of this I have developed a completely objective hierarchical system to determine what my reaction/feelings about issues should be. You just simply progress down the list until the reasonable answer becomes apparent.

Let me demonstrate: Health Care bill (aka thinly disguised socialism and bribery)

1)WWJD?

That’s right. What would Jack do. I’m pretty sure Jack Bauer would take members of Congress hostage and waterboard them until they confessed that they were, in fact, evil bastards who had ulterior motives about the passage of this bill. Since that’s not really an option for me, I’ll move on…

2)WWWD?

What would Wolverine do? Hmmmm. I’m really not sure what he would do in this situation. But whatever it is, I’m sure it would be awesome.

3)WWFD?

What would France do? Well, we know what they did. They have socialized medicine. It sucks. France sucks. They have contributed nothing to society, unless you count the several times they “donate” their country to maniacal dictators. Any non-Frenchie know that in every instance we want to do the exact opposite of whatever France does.

That solves it. If France is for socialized Health Care, I’m against it. See. Completely logical. I don’t know why more people can’t understand things that are so simple.

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A better 4th branch of the government would be…

"Tell me who you're working with, Senator!"

"Tell me who you're working with, Senator!"

There’s been some controversy about who the 4th branch of the government is. Some say it FED, controlling and manipulating our economy. The media has self-appointed itself the 4th branch of government. Even others think that Oprah is actually pulling all the stings, the great and powerful OZ, if you will. That’s completely ridiculous! Why would Oprah EVER go into politics?! She’s so much more powerful doing her show and magazine and all. People fall all over themselves to do whatever she says. She like a hypnotist… or a Jedi master.

I think we should officially nominate as the official 4th branch of our government… JACK BAUER!

In Bauer we trust! Hmmm, that has a nice ring to it. Imagine, with Chloe’s help, he would be able to root out all traitors and corruption. And the best news is that he gets things done within 24 hours!! Who’s with me!?