Darwin Awards!

Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed.  Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company suspecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her..

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from   Harare  to   Bulawayo  had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies claiming they were not mad but had been picked up by the driver. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. An Arkansas man wanted some beer pretty badly so he decided he’d throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block hit the window, bounced back hitting the would-be thief on the head and knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on the stores CCTV.

8. As a female shopper left a  New York  store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the thief. They put him in the patrol car and drove him back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said that these weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away again.THIS WAS AWARDED THE 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near vomit and spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man had admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he pushed his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family….unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

*** Remember…. They walk among us!!!*** And They Breed  ……   Be very afraid!!

My Quiet Voice

Maxine, you say in your out-loud voice what most of us say in our quiet voice but want to say out loud. Bless you!!

maxine

Scumbags of the day

John Edwards cheated on his dying wife. Now (act surprised) he’s been caught again! C’mon, does anyone really believe it was a one-time thing? Yeah, right! When you see one cockroach, there’s 100 more you don’t see. Best of all, his wife is threatening to spill the beans on all the shady political secrets he has. Awesome. Looking forward to it…

David Letterman is an ass. He looks down his nose at all of us and criticizes everyone with traditional values from his glorified soap box. We all know he is a tyrant to work for. We all knew he was a dirty old man perv. But I never (yeah, right) would have guessed that he was also a cheater and a hypocrite.

Mark Ensign, disgraced Republican Senator from Nevada (I’d still take this scumbag over Reid) was caught laundering your tax dollars. It wasn’t enough just to get caught cheating on his wife. He had to give sweet deals to his mistress and her husband. Surprise! A crooked politician. They are almost all crooked and therefore almost all of them are vulnerable to being extorted and controlled. This is why we are losing control of our country.

Mark Sanford, Republican governor who decided it was no big deal to just leave the country and visit his mistress in Argentina. I’m sure we can all relate, right? Well, this once hope-of-the-party loser nut job has apparently decided that he doesn’t have to keep up the descent guy anymore. He’s full-on refusing to face the music as more and more allegations of impropriety are raised.

Whoopi Goldberg, I don’t know what “rape-rape” is, but you are a evil bastard for even suggesting that Polanski didn’t do anything wrong. Where do you people come from? Is this a giant ‘Punked’ or something? Wow. I just don’t know what else to say about this….

Robert Gibbs, Obama’s chief liar… uh, I mean, Press Secretary. I can hardly stand to look at this guy. He’s such a bad liar. You’d think they’d at least pick someone who could lie with a straight face.

Jimmy Carter, once again you make one of my lists. You deny what you said a few weeks ago when you called me and everyone else who opposes Obama for any legitimate reasons a racist. NEWSFLASH: we have video cameras and no matter what you say, it doesn’t make it so. PS – you could probably get away with playing the crazy-old-man card. Serenity Now!

Oops – Maxine Waters accidentally says what she’s thinking…

In my observation, most politicians (regardless of party) won’t tell you what they’re thinking. They’ll tell you what they think they should be thinking and what you want to hear. And then they’ll go wheelin’ and dealin’ and justifying to themselves that they have to concede ‘this’ or ‘that’ to get what’s “really important” (and those are the “good” ones). Government is all a big game for them, and sooner or later, even if you went with good intentions, you end up without principles or morals. If you’re a respectable person and you decide to become a politician, not only are you a crazy person, with me you also lose the whole innocent until proven guilty thing. Over and over politicians have shown that they’re corrupt, self-serving, lying, egotistical, party-line-towing megalomaniacs. Why should we ever believe a word that comes out of any of your mouths!?

Also, don’t you morons know that everything you say is recorded and we have the internet and video cameras and stuff. Do you just have no conscience? Do you just have no care for your ‘good name’ (yes, I know that’s an oxymoron when you’re talking about a politician). I just can’t ever comprehend how you can over and over contradict yourself and still sleep at night.

Here’s a great clip of Maxine waters who obviously is a little low on sleep ’cause she just comes right out and says what’s on her mind. WOW! And the look on the faces of her fellow panel members is priceless!

She also recently met Fidel Castro. She had only praises for him and his wonderful health care system. Well, if it’s so great, go there. And take Michael Moore with you. He likes it there, too. And they’re communists, so you’ll both not only love their health care system, but also their ideology. Win-win for everyone!


Pelosi sailing with Gibson?

This guy knows more that you?

This guy knows more that you?

Ms Pelosi was apparently unaware of what’s been going on with ACORN, even though the Senate passed a measure to defund it days before she was confronted. DO YOU NOT HAVE A CELL PHONE, THE INTERNET, INTERNS, A CONSCIENCE OR A BRAIN!? How do these people keep their jobs? The next day the House voted as well. Do you think we’re stupid? You’re a liar unless you can prove one of the following:

  1. You were up in Maine sailing with Charlie Gibson – that was his excuse for being a moron and totally oblivious to protesters and ACORN – for the past week or more.
  2. You’ve been busy communing with the devil and Harry Reid (I’m just kidding…. we all know that the devil will have nothing to do with Reid).

C’mon! Even meathead Arnold “The Governator” Schwarzenegger knows what’s going on. If you’re getting scooped by Arnold, you have some serious, serious problems!

Stupid people are so…. stupid

I See Stupid People

I thought I would get something out of the way right from the get-go. Stupid people get on my nerves. But, they provide so much material that I’m sure I’ll be revisiting this theme often.

Stupid person of the day: Jimmy Carter, Israel-hating hypocrite

Jimmy Carter – our nations worst ex-president. Somehow people overlooked your single-handed near-destruction of our nation’s economy as President. Somehow people just ignored you when you visited and propagandized for Castro and your precious Communist Cuba. Somehow we all just passed you off as a crazy old man while you were chumming around with Michael Moore. But this time you’ve gone too far! We’re not racists! When are you gonna get it through your thick intolerant skull that we conservatives hate everyone… equally (at least that’s what the media tells us). That precludes any racism ;).

Oh, BTW, I don’t oppose Obama because he’s black. I oppose him because of his crazy socialist ideas that he and all his friends believe in.

Put away your tattered race card unless you want to point out real racism, like when Kayne West figured out that Bush caused Katrina to kill all the black people in New Orleans.